I was having a conversation with my children recently about feedback. Like many people, they viewed feedback with a degree of caution. Their instinct was to associate it with criticism, correction or the uncomfortable feeling that they had somehow fallen short. It prompted an interesting discussion, and somewhere in that conversation my perspective shifted in a way I hadn’t expected.
Working in technology has taught me that software is never truly finished. Every application, no matter how successful, is continually evolving. New versions are released because developers receive feedback from users, identify weaknesses, discover opportunities for improvement and respond to changing needs. Bugs are fixed, performance is enhanced and new capabilities are introduced, all because information is fed back into the development process.
The thought struck me that perhaps human development works in much the same way.
Feedback is, in many respects, our own upgrade mechanism.
Yet our relationship with feedback is often very different from the way software engineers view it. We tend to interpret feedback personally. It can feel uncomfortable because it challenges the image we hold of ourselves. It may trigger defensiveness, embarrassment or disappointment. The natural instinct is often to reject it before we have taken the time to understand it.
Technology provides a surprisingly useful alternative perspective.
When users report a software issue, developers rarely interpret it as a personal attack. They see it as data. It is information that may help improve the next release. Some reports identify genuine faults. Others reveal usability issues that had not previously been considered. Some requests highlight entirely new opportunities that could significantly improve the user experience.
Equally, experienced developers do not implement every suggestion they receive.
Every piece of feedback is evaluated.
Does it solve a genuine problem?
Does it improve the product?
Does it align with the long-term vision?
Some suggestions are incorporated into the roadmap. Others are acknowledged but deliberately left behind because they would compromise the product rather than strengthen it.
The same principle can be applied to our own development.
Not every opinion we receive deserves to become part of who we are. Some feedback reflects another person’s preferences rather than an objective truth. Some originates from misunderstanding. Some says more about the perspective of the person offering it than the individual receiving it.
Rejecting all feedback, however, can be just as limiting as accepting all of it.
Growth requires discernment rather than either resistance or blind acceptance.
Viewing feedback through the lens of continuous improvement changes the emotional response. Instead of hearing criticism, it becomes possible to hear information. Instead of asking whether someone is judging us, we begin asking whether there is something valuable to learn.
That subtle shift has had a surprising impact on my own thinking.
When feedback arrives, I now find myself asking a different question.
“Is there an upgrade available here?”
Sometimes the answer is yes. ………………..Sometimes the answer is no.
Both outcomes are perfectly acceptable because thoughtful reflection is more valuable than automatic acceptance.
Perhaps this is one of the most important differences between maturity and experience. Experience simply exposes us to more situations. Maturity enables us to extract wisdom from them.
Software evolves through continuous updates because the world around it changes. Human beings are no different. Every conversation, challenge, success and disappointment provides another opportunity to refine how we think, communicate and lead. The objective is not to become a different person. The objective is to become a better version of the person we already are.
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