There are moments in life that seem so ordinary they barely deserve a second thought. A routine journey to work. A conversation with a stranger. A meal in an unfamiliar restaurant. A visit to the nail salon.
Yet it is often in these unremarkable moments that we learn the most profound lessons about ourselves.
For more than two decades, my nails have been red.
Not occasionally, but consistently. Every conceivable shade has made an appearance over the years…….crimson, scarlet, ruby, burgundy, pillar-box red, oxblood. Red became so much a part of my appearance that I stopped seeing it as a preference. It became an extension of my identity. Friends expected it. My nail technician expected it. I expected it.
Somewhere along the way, I had also developed a rather fixed opinion about lighter colours. Soft pinks, nudes and pale tones simply were not for me. In truth, I had never particularly liked them on myself, nor had I found them especially appealing on others. It was a conclusion I had accepted so completely that I had long forgotten to ask myself why.
During my last appointment, my nail technician suggested something different.
Light pink.
My instinctive reaction was immediate. No.
Then, almost reluctantly, I agreed.
When she finished, I looked down at my hands and experienced what psychologists describe as cognitive dissonance, the discomfort we feel when reality conflicts with our established beliefs. The colour was unfamiliar. It did not look like “me”. My instinct was to assume I had made a mistake.
Yet over the following days something curious happened.
The more I looked at them, the more I noticed qualities I had previously overlooked. The colour possessed a quiet elegance that red never attempted. It conveyed softness without appearing weak, simplicity without appearing plain, confidence without demanding attention. The very characteristics I had once dismissed became the characteristics I began to admire.
It struck me that my opinion had changed remarkably quickly.
The more uncomfortable realisation, however, was that my original opinion had never really been based on evidence in the first place.
It had been based on familiarity.
That distinction matters more than we often realise.
We tend to assume that our preferences are the product of careful judgement, accumulated experience and rational evaluation. Behavioural science suggests otherwise. Human beings are remarkably susceptible to cognitive biases, systematic patterns of thinking that simplify decision-making but frequently distort reality.
One of the most powerful of these is the status quo bias: our tendency to prefer what is familiar simply because it is familiar. Closely related is confirmation bias, whereby we selectively notice information that reinforces our existing beliefs while quietly disregarding evidence that contradicts them.
Together, these biases create an illusion of certainty.
We begin to confuse repetition with truth.
The consequences extend far beyond something as trivial as nail colour.
- How often do we dismiss a particular cuisine because we once decided we did not like it?
- How many people confidently claim they dislike curry despite never having explored the extraordinary diversity of flavours that exist across South Asian cooking?
- How many refuse sushi without tasting it, classical music without listening to it, or contemporary art without attempting to understand it?
Our preferences often masquerade as informed conclusions when they are, in reality, little more than inherited assumptions reinforced through repetition.
The same phenomenon quietly shapes our relationships.
We can decide that we dislike someone after a single interaction. We interpret their confidence as arrogance, their reserve as aloofness or their directness as hostility. Having formed that initial judgement, confirmation bias begins its work. Every subsequent interaction is unconsciously filtered through the narrative we have already created. We notice the behaviours that support our original conclusion while overlooking those that contradict it.
The individual has not changed.
Our perception has simply become increasingly selective.
Perhaps the person we avoid at work would become one of our closest collaborators if we invited them for coffee.
Perhaps the colleague whose communication style frustrates us possesses insights that our own way of thinking consistently overlooks.
The challenge is that prejudice rarely announces itself in dramatic ways. More often, it disguises itself as certainty.
Nowhere is this more significant than within organisations.
Many businesses proudly describe themselves as innovative, yet continue to reject unfamiliar ideas because they challenge established ways of working. Entire proposals are dismissed because “we’ve always done it this way”. Junior colleagues struggle to influence decisions because experience is unconsciously equated with wisdom. New technologies are resisted, not because they lack merit, but because they require people to abandon familiar practices.
History repeatedly demonstrates that innovation rarely emerges from intellectual comfort. Progress depends upon individuals who possess the humility to question assumptions that everyone else has stopped examining.
Perhaps this is why cognitive flexibility has become one of the defining characteristics of effective leadership.
Cognitive flexibility is not simply openness to new ideas. It is the willingness to reconsider one’s own thinking in light of new evidence. It requires intellectual humility, the acceptance that certainty is not always a sign of wisdom and that changing one’s mind is not a weakness but an indication of learning.
This is becoming increasingly important in a world shaped by artificial intelligence, rapidly evolving technologies and unprecedented social change. The ability to learn has always been valuable. The ability to unlearn may prove even more so.
Our greatest obstacle is often not ignorance but certainty.
We become attached to opinions because they become intertwined with our identity. To abandon the opinion feels as though we are abandoning part of ourselves. Yet genuine intellectual maturity lies not in defending every belief we have ever held, but in possessing the confidence to revise those beliefs when new evidence emerges.
That afternoon in the nail salon did not merely alter the colour of my manicure.
It reminded me how easily familiarity can masquerade as preference, how quietly assumptions become convictions, and how often our minds close doors long before curiosity has had an opportunity to enter.
I still love red nails. I suspect I always will.
But I also suspect I shall wear pink again.
Not because it is objectively better, but because it reminded me of something far more valuable than colour.
Every so often, we should deliberately choose the unfamiliar.
Order the dish you have always insisted you dislike.
Read the book that challenges your worldview.
Invite the colleague you struggle to understand for coffee.
Listen before deciding.
Experience before judging.
Question before concluding.
The smallest acts of curiosity often reveal the largest blind spots. More importantly, they remind us that growth rarely begins with certainty.
It begins with the courage to discover that we might have been wrong.
If you enjoy exploring the deeper questions behind leadership, human behaviour, technology and society, you can subscribe at www.stellapoole.com to receive future articles directly in your inbox.
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